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So this is a question I've been asking myself for a few years now; what is love? Growing up I experienced a lot of "tough love" which was all I knew. I won't get too detailed, but I was always the different one in my family. Besides my mother, I was the only other person who really showed affection and emotions. Even when it came to school, and other activities-I was always so "loving". I thought it was a curse at first, but it was actually a gift.To make a long story short, a few people treated me very badly, and I ended up with a severely bruised heart. At that time I had thought I deserved it, I thought it was karma and that God was getting me back. Lets get one thing straight, God is not an ordinary being, so "getting you back" Is not something of his nature. He disciplines his children like a father corrects his child. My strict and very traditional church taught us to believe otherwise. They taught us that God was some big scary man that was creeping on you in the shower,and the moment you do something wrong your destined for hell forever. False! There is something called repentance, and forgiveness and most importantly his amazing grace( future blog idea!).
Anyways, I was searching for love in all the wrong places-literally. I had so much voids in my life, and so many void fillers. I was so messed up and I believed that nothing could save me. I was raised in a religious household, but I didn't really know or understood God. It wasn't until my junior year of high school I started to feel this urge to understand this love some of the youth at my church spoke of. At that time I was going through some things that (thank God) I've been healed from( still sort of healing-it's a process). I remember going to an event with my choir, and when we went back to church we all sat around and just put on soothing worship music. I don't recall how and when it happened, but I began to feel strange. I was overwhelmed with this presence of peace, and felt lightheaded. I felt reassured, and at that moment all my worries didn't seem that serious anymore. It felt like my heart was going to explode! I knew at that instant it was God. I wanted to sing, to shout, but I ended up crying pent up tears of pain that had been bottled up inside me for years. At that moment I had experienced the love of God for the first time(I'm pretty sure I experienced it before, but I was aware of it at that moment). While kneeling down I attempted to pray. Before then I had done the usual bed time and morning prayers which was practically rehearsed. I just talked.. told him that I was severely broken, and I just wanted to be okay. That I wanted to be loved, and experience a love that I had never experienced before. I never looked back. The next day I went to the alter and gave my life back to Christ.
It has been a whirlpool since. I now understand that Love is God..and God is love. He is love, literally. He CAN'T stop loving us because that's his nature (Stated by the amazingly anointed Judah Smith I posted his video below) we've been searching for love, and its here. Always been here, never left.I'm still learning everyday about love. Often times we forget about love because we are so broken, and still upset at the past. Of course it's not that easy, but since I've experienced the love of God I have not been the same. AT ALL. I can't stop smiling, I can't stop loving others, no matter how hard it is..Did you think God would give us easy people to love?? No matter what trials, and rocks, mountains I face- I still feel his love. It's amazing to know that the creator of the universe, the same God who helped Moses, the same God of the bible..that same God loves me! who am I to deserve his great love?His child, purchased and made new, I need him daily. I encourage who ever feels the way I felt to take a step forward. I was pretty depressed for a very long time. You can get help, and it's okay to reach out to others. Reach out to God.. he's waiting to hear your voice. I pray that the bonds of unhappiness, and the confusion of what love is, broken. I declare( in the name of Jesus) that who ever is reading this and feels that they cannot be loved, that Jesus reveals himself to you! As well as you opening up your heart to him. Believe it, and receive it. I've given the world my everything, my heart, my dreams and goals. I gave it to God, and my life changed for the better. Try giving it to God..At this point what have you got to lose?
Anyways yay to my first post( imaginary fireworks going off in my room). I also recommend this amazing book by this extraordinary woman called Heather Lindsey. I have the link below. This book my ladies( it's a book for the ladies, but her husband Cornelius has a male version too) is life changing. I'm actually reading it for the second time. I also plan on attending the conference for Pinky Promise. Pinky Promise is a movement started by Heather, its pure joy. Woman all over the country getting to know God and participating in bible studies, as well as group outings. It's like having a group of sisters and being part of a sister hood. Now that's love!There's a link to the Pinky Promise website and her book. Until next time my dears. I've also started a YouTube channel!!I'm not as computer savey as I thought, so i'm still in the process of trying to intertwine them both. Hopefully I get it next time.
* PinkyPromise
1 Corinthians 13:4 NET
"Love is patient , love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad in injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"
